To start with, I love travelling. There's quite nothing like visiting places that you've never been to, one that you would love to go to, foreign places, both domestic & international. I've spent part of my childhood in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and partly here in Kuala Lumpur. Then, my family moved to Seremban, and we settled there. In between, there has been stays at Paris, Milan, and even Seoul. Now, my family stays in Doha, Qatar. I guess I could count my blessings that I have a family that could afford to travel as such, and I have genetically inherited the Travellers' Feet as well.
Though I couldn't stretch my legs to such places I've mentioned, I could do just as well for my standards, at least for now - I visit other school, college, and/or universities. Since my school & pre-college days, I rejoice whenever I get to visit other schools. It could be friendly matches, debates, public speaking competitions, and the like, but the bottom-line is that I get to go to other schools, meeting other people there, and like most people will do, I'll compare it with where I was currently hailing from. To me, the ultimate climax from these visits is when I feel The Envy.
Yeah. That's right. I commit one of the Seven Deadly Sins religiously, and it's none other than Envy.
If you read my earlier post on '7 things' you might have recalled of my Inferiority Complex (IC) thing. The IC stretches sometimes when I sort of 'represent' myself with where I was from. For example, during my boarding school days, I would always envy the students of other SBPs as I think my SBP is a drab, lacking such awesome facilities, lacking the pro-active student life, etc. Obviously, since where I was from 'represents' me, it too gets to be 'inferior' compared to whatever. No doubt many people could debate on this, and maybe myself - human or places - has my own specialty that makes me superior to the exact same thing - human or places - that I compared myself to, but then again, my IC is supremely strong enough for me to turn a blind eye to it.
Envy is a bitch. A damn hot one too.
"Why can't my school have proactive students like this school?"
"Why can't I be accepted in my school like I'm accepted here?"
"Why can't my school be as cool as this?"
That was the yardstick to compare when I was at that age. Of course, when I moved on to my teenage life, I envied my friends' lifestyle, house, car, girlfriend(s), etc. but most of all, I envy their universities.
Having my own money, my own car, and my own freedom, I could go where the road leads, and I could visit my friends wherever they studied at (DISCLAIMER: I'm generalizing):
- I often have dropped by UiTM Seri Iskandar and would always envy the guy-girl ratio there - 3 guys to 7 girls. They may offer courses at diploma-level, but their proactive level is a benchmark at best. As an example, I went to their stint called 'The Fete', and a fashion show complete with a catwalk runway, all organized by the students themselves as their coursework marks clearly amaze me.
- I envy Fadli at Limkokwing for being in a university that my heart really cried for (at that time) - their courses, the hot babes-cum-anak dato', their student lifestyle, their awesome abstractive university itself. The list might go on..
- I envy Kzee every time I stayed over his bachelor's pad at UiTM Shah Alam. He has girls coming over all the time. Nuff' said. Anyways, UiTM was among the universities that I was offered a placement in..hmm
- I envy Arep for doing his degree in Envronmental Science at USM, Penang - he's doing my degree in the university I wanted in. Besides, their campus is simply awesome.
- I envy Afiq, my former roommate at MMU. Yeah. I went there for a couple of weeks before quitting, to take up the UTP offer. Yes sir, I envy him. Our housemates were babes. But, I don't want you to think that I'm superficial - It's not just about babes. I was offered a good degree in Bio-Instrumentation. MMU lifestyle is very conducive for study, and socializing. Best of all, they don't have religious nuts. Hmm..gonna envy long time. See? I'm not as shallow as you're smirking, or rolling your eyes to. Hehe..but wait a sec. Me & Afiq were the only four dudes in the apartment of twelve. Hmm.. =P Then again, that was then.
- Damn it Bal! You've made it to the UK. Lucky bastard boy-o! Best catch me when I'll be hittin' the pub, and you'll be buying me pints. Hehe. Anyways, among my best friend, Iqbal has made it overseas like most of the people I knew from my boarding school. Aref is in Dublin, Asyraf is in Japan, etc. Congrats. Looks like I'm the one lagging behind. I don't need to despair too much - I was offered a degree in TESL at New Zealand. But then again, it's TESL. It's not that it's bad or anything, it's just that I'm not cut for educating. Plus, if I'm even half as good as you guys, I would be doing medic, law, etc. overseas. At least, I could transfer study for one semester in Down Under, but sorry. Couldn't quite make it.
I have more examples but they would all be redundant. Don't get me wrong, I love UTP to bits. Never mind that UTP has its flaw - bad internet connection, religious nuts terrorizing everyone at just about everything, etc. - but I could call it my home at the ivory towers.
The purpose of The Envy is quite noble, if you look at it in some abstractive, twisted way - It made you realize afterwards, that you actually have a place to compare to. If you look hard enough, you'll find reasons to realize that where you came from does shine. In the end, it's not wanting to compare, but having the choice to compare with. I sum it all up by saying that The Envy is my way of expressing "I'm proud of you" to you. You got what I wanted. Of course, at the time I'm writing this, things have change, and my wants and envies followed suit. I belong to wherever I am at, and it doesn't matter much where anymore.
For me, I want to belong somewhere. After that, it's only natural to want to belong to somewhere better.
So, where am I now?